Saturday, October 31, 2009


The Top Ten Signs You're At a Bad Halloween Pub Crawl

Written by me as an accessory to my David Letterman costume:

  1. Blood is everywhere - and it's spraying out of a bite wound in your neck

  2. When you buy your ticket, the salesman asks, "Are you sure?"

  3. The guy sitting next to you is dressed up as Regis

  4. Bouncer demands proof that your flu shots are up to date

  5. Party games include such classics as "bobbing for assholes"

  6. Best costume award goes to wolfman wearing a slutty nurse outfit

  7. Your friends would rather stay home and discuss Balloon Boy on Twitter

  8. Bloody Mary you ordered comes with real blood

  9. Your bus captain pulls the bus over so he can change his Depends

  10. Some guy gets up and starts reciting a lame top ten list

(As an aside, I'd like to point out that I wrote this before Friday's Late Show. The topic of that show's top ten list? "Top Ten Signs You're At A Lame Halloween Party." There's even mention of Regis, bobbing for apples, H1N1 flu, Balloon Boy, blood, and "best costume." I've been watching way too much late night TV.)


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